Happy Father’s Day to my dad …

Happy Father’s Day Papa John.  I love you and miss you every day …
My dad passed away a few months ago, he had been sick for a few years but when the end came it was sudden, he finally succumbed to admitting he needed hospice to come to help him and my mom and when they came for the evaluation they thought he had a couple of weeks left.  He literally died two days later, the night before they were coming for their first day on the job he passed away in his sleep which I am grateful for him although selfishly I wish I could have seen him one last time. I think he didn’t want to burden anyone anymore or have anyone other than my mom take care of him and he knew we were all coming to see him and I think he didn’t want to put anyone through that and he just decided to “let go”.  I didn’t make it there in time to see him but I sent him this email the day before he died.  My mother read it to him and she said she thinks he was able to absorb most of it, I hope so, I hope he knew how much I loved him and cherished him …
“Hi Dad, before mom called me yesterday, the night before I found a copy of a poem in my nightstand that I love (it’s too sad so I won’t send it) but there’s a line that says “He was my north, my south, my east, my west” & it made me think of you and I texted the following to Gwen when I forwarded her the poem.  Here’s what I said “this poem made me think of my dad last night as he’s truly been someone I could always count on, ALWAYS, emotionally, financially, through breakups with boyfriends, fights with my mom,  & Noel, & my kids.  Without any judgement just love & humor, he’s always been on my side no matter what side that is 💔” this was her response and she’s so right…
“That is a heart wrenching poem. It truly could be for anyone so loved and counted on. You are a fortunate girl to have had a person like that in your life. And for it to be your Dad is truly a blessing. You ought to be so certain that he knows how you feel. How much you love him and will miss him. I’m feeling such sorrow for you. Xoxo, Gwen”
She’s right and I love you and will see you Saturday.
Gwen is my mother-in-law and I am truly blessed to have her in my life … she texted me this morning to say “I am thinking of you and your dad.  “Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened”.  Dr. Seuss it meant so much to me and I don’t think she even knows that Dr. Seuss is my favorite.
When I told my friend Nancy that he had died … she knew how heartbroken and sad I would be because although her dad passed years ago, she had a similar relationship with her father and she said “I am so sad for you because I know how it feels to “lose your biggest fan”, your “touchstone” and that unconditional love which you so rarely find in another human being”
He really was all that to me and on top of how I felt about him and what a great dad he was, he was truly one of the sweetest, most honest, best people I’ve ever known.  I could go on and on but this will help sum him up … this was published in the Colorado Golf Association website when he died …
Hamer was inducted into the Colorado Golf Hall of Fame in 2002.
“His record of championships won speaks for itself and his conduct on the course speaks to his character as a gentleman,” fellow Hall of Famer Gary Longfellow once noted.
Here’s what my best friend growing up wrote to me after he died …
“Now that I am a “grown up” I realize what a good person your dad was — it didn’t take a lot to make him happy … a round of golf, lounging in his chair with a stiff scotch, napping, to bed early, spending time with his family (before 7p ;)). I am blessed to have had him and your family in my life. He was a great man and funnier than hell!  You definitely inherited that from him.  I love you — Whit”  
Whitney he loved you too as do I!
I love how much my son looks like him & has his grandpa’s sense of humor, in him  I’ll always have a part of my dad 💚.
Stop the Clocks

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message ‘He is Dead’.
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last forever: I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now; put out every one,
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun,
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood;
For nothing now can ever come to any good.

W H Auden

“Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened” that will be my mantra today.  I’m going to try to focus on that and smile at all the fond memories and remember how lucky I was to have had him as my father. 

Published by shannbenn50

First a little bit about me ... I'm going to be 50 in about 5 minutes, I've been married for 20 years and have two incredibly great teenagers, (albeit incredibly moody). I am a Capricorn and I'd say 99% Capricorn. I do yoga everyday and my husband says "for someone who does ("practices" is the correct term FYI ; yoga everyday you're awfully high strung", my response is "can you imagine me if I didn't do yoga everyday"? and his response is "I'd be scared"! I've been told by a number of people that I need to lower my expectations of people because then I won't constantly be disappointed. My husband says he tries to have zero expectations and then sometimes he's pleasantly surprised. :) Which is really great advice and may work for him but I'm having a hard time with it, and I don't want to lower my expectations, I want people to rise to my expectations (someone said to me the other day "who died and made you God")? So I've been "practicing" this mantra "lower your expectations, be more forgiving and compassionate & understanding" it has maybe worked a tiny bit. And then I came across this quote while in the throes of being disappointed by others "There is no good way or bad way. And the sooner we let go of expectations about how things are supposed to go, the happier we get to be." Which I wrote down and put in my nightstand from a book I read called "The Divorce Party" by Laura Dave. So I texted my friend that quote, who also has high expectations of people and who is also constantly let down and I said "perhaps my mother is right, she told me I have really high expectations of myself and so I think everyone else should be the same and they're not, so the sooner I accept that the better". And my friend's response was? "Lies, all lies! Of course there is a good way and a bad way, the GOOD way is OUR way"! For better or for worse I have to say I agree! "What is wrong with people?" was going to be the title of my blog because I constantly find those words coming out of my mouth ... but this "blog" has morphed into something else because it turned out I actually have a lot of positive good things to say and share about people, I shocked myself, so therefore I changed the title and the direction of my "blog/website" ... my initial emoji I was going to use was 😩 But now the one I want to use is ❤️

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