Aging (& friendship):

 

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Maybe because of my “near death experiences” and/or the older I get (my husband agrees with this wholeheartedly — not just me, but both of us getting older;)) there is not enough time to hang out with the people we want to, let alone people we don’t.  There are people that either I don’t want to get out of bed to meet (from my afternoon napping ;)) or I can’t wait to get in bed after being with them — the latter are the people I want to hang out with, because it means I was up past my bedtime, so I must have been having fun!!!  I’m like Cinderella, except I turn into a pumpkin at 10p not midnight.  That being said, I stayed at our friends house the other night until 12:30a!!! We were having so much fun, I didn’t want to leave (normally my bed time takes precedence over all else & I don’t want to lose my “glass slipper”), but who knows when it ALL could come to an end.  I used to say “you could get hit by a bus tomorrow” now it’s more like “you could drop dead of a heart attack tomorrow”!  It was the first time in our 15 year friendship that the wife had to “kick us out”!

I was talking to a friend about people changing and getting “less fun” & boring & grumpy as they get older and she said “if you don’t bring anything to the table/party at this point, why would I want to hang out with you?!”,  (🙏 bring humor, andicdotes, empathy, honesty, authenticity, intellect, “deep thoughts & feelings”, & oh, did I mention HUMOR?!) 😜 We both agreed we want to hang out with people that think & feel “the glass is 1/2 full not 1/2 empty”, who are grateful for what they have and want to enjoy what time we have left.  People who are FUN & REAL!  She’s right, “after all we only have 10 or 20 good years left … if we’re lucky” (this I’ve been told A LOT when people find out I’m turning 50)! 😮

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A therapist once told me “people change as they age and they generally go one of two ways” …

they either soften and become sweet & pleasant

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or they harden and become sour & bitter

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I want to become the former not the latter.  As I’ve gotten older people have gone one of two ways:

1.  Become more open-minded and less judgmental, more generous, more fun, more all-encompassing of differences, curious instead of condemning, easy-going, fun-loving, grateful for what they have vs. longing for what they don’t, optimistic

or 

2.  Become closed minded and more judgmental, self-centered, frugal, boring, less tolerant of differences, condemning, rigid, grumpy, stuck in the past, regretful, pessimistic

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I also think we have a choice of who we want to become #1 or #2 — soft and sweet or hard & bitter.

I choose #1 softer and sweeter — at least I’m hoping and trying 🙏  (and hopefully with the same fabulous color of gray hair as my mother)!

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Published by shannbenn50

First a little bit about me ... I'm going to be 50 in about 5 minutes, I've been married for 20 years and have two incredibly great teenagers, (albeit incredibly moody). I am a Capricorn and I'd say 99% Capricorn. I do yoga everyday and my husband says "for someone who does ("practices" is the correct term FYI ; yoga everyday you're awfully high strung", my response is "can you imagine me if I didn't do yoga everyday"? and his response is "I'd be scared"! I've been told by a number of people that I need to lower my expectations of people because then I won't constantly be disappointed. My husband says he tries to have zero expectations and then sometimes he's pleasantly surprised. :) Which is really great advice and may work for him but I'm having a hard time with it, and I don't want to lower my expectations, I want people to rise to my expectations (someone said to me the other day "who died and made you God")? So I've been "practicing" this mantra "lower your expectations, be more forgiving and compassionate & understanding" it has maybe worked a tiny bit. And then I came across this quote while in the throes of being disappointed by others "There is no good way or bad way. And the sooner we let go of expectations about how things are supposed to go, the happier we get to be." Which I wrote down and put in my nightstand from a book I read called "The Divorce Party" by Laura Dave. So I texted my friend that quote, who also has high expectations of people and who is also constantly let down and I said "perhaps my mother is right, she told me I have really high expectations of myself and so I think everyone else should be the same and they're not, so the sooner I accept that the better". And my friend's response was? "Lies, all lies! Of course there is a good way and a bad way, the GOOD way is OUR way"! For better or for worse I have to say I agree! "What is wrong with people?" was going to be the title of my blog because I constantly find those words coming out of my mouth ... but this "blog" has morphed into something else because it turned out I actually have a lot of positive good things to say and share about people, I shocked myself, so therefore I changed the title and the direction of my "blog/website" ... my initial emoji I was going to use was 😩 But now the one I want to use is ❤️

2 thoughts on “Aging (& friendship):

  1. Love it and I totally agree. I am so grateful for our time together in Boulder and know we will see each other soon!
    xo Debbie

    Like

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