Happy Father’s Day …


It is a curiously intimate thing shaving someone.  When my father almost died but was released from ICU, which almost never happens, in fact it happens so rarely, it took them seven hours to figure out the paperwork to have him discharged. My dad went from “he’s going to die” to “we’re sending him home” within 48 hours after having been in the hospital for a week.  And then there was an issue with finding a portable oxygen tank to send him home with, which caused a further delay.  Then an “angel of a nurse” snuck one out of a closet on another floor of the hospital because he could see how desperately my dad just wanted to go home.  My dad insisted on giving him a thank you, all the cash he had in his wallet (which I think was around $100).  He vehemently refused, and we vehemently insisted to the point he REALLY didn’t have a choice,  he was so grateful and said “today is my birthday and with this money I am going to take my wife out to a really nice dinner”.  

My dad was so happy to be home, but he was so week and dizzy from a week in the hospital and all the drugs they’d pumped into his system, he couldn’t even walk without help to the bathroom five feet away from his bed.  After a few days at home my mom insisted he shower and shave, she helped him shower and then I sent her away to run errands, or maybe just to have some time to herself, she hadn’t left his side in two weeks, I told her to go and I would help him shave, she replied ‘okay just make sure you do it in the bathroom so you don’t make a mess”.  My father was sitting in his chair in the living room and when she left he said “let’s just do it here in the living room, so I don’t have to get up, but don’t tell her”, and we both giggled like kids being naughty.  He had the common sense to tell me to put down some newspaper, I would never have thought of it, but then again I’d never shaved someone before.  I went and got all the necessary equipment and he guided me through the process, first with the electric shaver to get it shorter then with the razor, it was strange to be that close to him, to his face, and I had to be so gentle because his skin seemed like tissue paper.  I hadn’t been that close to him physically since I was a small child.  When we finished we were so pleased with ourselves, even though we missed a few spots, but it had worn him out so we let it be (and hoped my mom wouldn’t notice or comment, which of course she did), but we were content and satisfied with our results so it didn’t matter what she might say.  And when she did comment, he just winked at me.

Shaving him was a bit uncomfortable and awkward but so rewarding and sweet that when he passes from this earth it will be one of my best memories of him and I wouldn’t trade it for anything”.  I wrote this story shortly after that visit all those years ago in the “notes” on my phone so that I wouldn’t forget everything about that day, not just the act itself but how it felt.  I came across this story the other day searching for something on my phone, he passed away a couple of years ago and as predicted it is one of my fondest memories.  I love you dad and miss you every day.❤️

“Don’t grieve for what is lost it will come back to you, maybe in a different form”  Rumi* 

… this memory came back to me searching for something else on my phone

“If you experience sorrow or grief you will heal”  Rumi*

*Rumi … I think … again in my notes on my phone

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Published by shannbenn50

First a little bit about me ... I'm going to be 50 in about 5 minutes, I've been married for 20 years and have two incredibly great teenagers, (albeit incredibly moody). I am a Capricorn and I'd say 99% Capricorn. I do yoga everyday and my husband says "for someone who does ("practices" is the correct term FYI ; yoga everyday you're awfully high strung", my response is "can you imagine me if I didn't do yoga everyday"? and his response is "I'd be scared"! I've been told by a number of people that I need to lower my expectations of people because then I won't constantly be disappointed. My husband says he tries to have zero expectations and then sometimes he's pleasantly surprised. :) Which is really great advice and may work for him but I'm having a hard time with it, and I don't want to lower my expectations, I want people to rise to my expectations (someone said to me the other day "who died and made you God")? So I've been "practicing" this mantra "lower your expectations, be more forgiving and compassionate & understanding" it has maybe worked a tiny bit. And then I came across this quote while in the throes of being disappointed by others "There is no good way or bad way. And the sooner we let go of expectations about how things are supposed to go, the happier we get to be." Which I wrote down and put in my nightstand from a book I read called "The Divorce Party" by Laura Dave. So I texted my friend that quote, who also has high expectations of people and who is also constantly let down and I said "perhaps my mother is right, she told me I have really high expectations of myself and so I think everyone else should be the same and they're not, so the sooner I accept that the better". And my friend's response was? "Lies, all lies! Of course there is a good way and a bad way, the GOOD way is OUR way"! For better or for worse I have to say I agree! "What is wrong with people?" was going to be the title of my blog because I constantly find those words coming out of my mouth ... but this "blog" has morphed into something else because it turned out I actually have a lot of positive good things to say and share about people, I shocked myself, so therefore I changed the title and the direction of my "blog/website" ... my initial emoji I was going to use was 😩 But now the one I want to use is ❤️

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